Archive for the ‘Old Notes’ Category

Left Field

Posted: October 2, 2012 in Old Notes
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The following conversation was held between my 13 year old daughter (K) and me (M).

K: How far is it from here to Viv’s Grandmothers house?

M: I don’t know, 2 or 3 miles. Why?

K: I just thought I could walk over there and get her and we could walk back.

M: I don’t think that would be a good idea, it’s awfully far.

K: But Aunt Nancy went on a 21 mile bike ride…

M: On a bike, not walking. It’s not the same.

K: Well how far would it have been if she’d walked?

M: ………

My daughter’s blond. That’s not a bad thing, and I’m not enforcing the stereotype that blonds are dumb. My daughter is quite intelligent, she just happens to lack whatever chemical in your brain stops dumb stuff from coming out your mouth. Most people seem to have the ability to form a sentence, realize the sentence is absurd, and delete it before it becomes actual words…

… coming out of your mouth…

… out loud.

Comedians use this to their advantage. They recognize it, but instead of deleting it, they save it for later in a folder called “Jokes”. I lacked the same chemical at her age, so maybe it’s hereditary. I’ve either grown out of it, or learned to control it by compensating. I use self-depreciating humor a lot, so now if I say something stupid, I can brush it off as a joke.

“Ha, ha… yeah that would be so stupid to say! Ha, Ha, who would say that!”… me, I would, and I do.

Allow me to regal you with a tale of my childhood…

As many 13 year olds do, I wasn’t paying any attention to my mother & step-father’s conversation as we drove along in the car. I was vaguely aware that they may or may not have been actually talking to me, but that is beside the point. Something in their conversation triggered me to comment on it. I think they asked me a question, like “Are you even paying attention?” Unfortunately, I had no idea what they were talking about so the comment was out of place and a little strange. To which they replied, “Tim, you’re always out in left field.”

Okay, I’m going pause right here. The following words that came out of my mouth make complete sense to a 13 year old boy, who did in fact play baseball, and assumed the conversation he had fallen into was centered on that. Alright, let us continue.

Indignantly I said, “Nuh-uh, I play center-field.” This was followed by gales of laughter from the front seat and a sudden realization that I had inadvertently made a fool of myself.

They were not talking about baseball and the position I played. No-one remembers what they were talking about. I asked my Mom and she has no idea, but remembers the “Left Field” exchange like it was yesterday. And told my kids about it.

Wonderful.

But I guess in 30 years, when my grandchildren inherit this chemical imbalance, I get to tell them about their mother’s “blond” moments…

… and that’s awesome!